I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
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