I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
your room smells of hookers.
And success
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
I plan on gettn treatment center drunk
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
Randomize
