I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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