Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize
