i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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