hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
He started talking about getting a puppy together. So of course I went down on him later
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Randomize
