New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
