we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
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