Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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