I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
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