no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
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