i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
So what your saying is I can use her desperation to my advantage. Fuck, this must be how pretty girls feel.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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