Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I deserve this hangover.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
