Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
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