mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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