We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
Randomize
