As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
this is an emotional support booty call
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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