i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
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I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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