I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Never joke about your clitoris.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
