Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
