We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
I think pants incapable of making pants work
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
