The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
