I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
im having a threesome with these popsicles
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Randomize
