Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
