no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Actually going to jail after your wedding is NOT part of the plan.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
