I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Randomize
