Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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