I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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