I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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