FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Randomize
