There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Randomize
