Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
handjob tips. give me some.
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Green mimosas i think yes
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
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