Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
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