If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
With any luck I will spend the duration of this flight with my tray table up my seatbelt securely fastened and my face in his lap
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Randomize
