what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
