Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
