2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
We should hook up after this. Laugh or look horrified to say yes.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
