I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
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