She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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