Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Somewhere between catching the stove on fire and not being aware of it being on fire while I'm in the living room. I drank too much.
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
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