Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
PSA- Wearing assless chaps results in embarrassingly painful sunburn
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Randomize
