Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
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