Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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