wakey wakey hands off snakey
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
