My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
He was someone so memorable that I'd completely forgotten he'd existed up to and during the encounter
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