i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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