Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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