I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
If you're still up for that roadtrip, I managed to end up in Louisiana and could use a ride home.
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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