wakey wakey hands off snakey
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Pretty sure a homeless guy just told me to 'lick his balls clean' because I looked at him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
