I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
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