you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
