Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
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