i refuse to live in a world where loud threesomes in your own apartment are referred to as "rude"
did you yell "are you not entertained?"
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
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Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
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He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
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