New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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