OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
