This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
Randomize
