we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
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