he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
Randomize
