So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
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