maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
I am drinking fireball and apple juice out of a sippy cup like a fucking toddler.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
