I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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