if you like me you must not know who I am
The maid of honor just puked.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Randomize
