he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
