Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Randomize
