all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
