this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
