Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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