his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
