the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
