Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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