i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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