just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
