Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
So his mom walked in the kitchen while I was sucking him off and just casually suggested that "I'd need a glass of water after that"
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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