He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Thanks, girl! That means a lot. I can't wait to share my jail stories with you over salad and cupcakes.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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