A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
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